I have been thinking very much lately about fatherhood, companionship and all the other the nuptial spin-offs. I wondered about what kind of Father I would like to be, t what kind of man I would want him to be, what schools, his favorite expressions, his favorite experiences, his preferred colour, hit “type” of girl.
I thought about whether I should ever teach him how to be a player, or whether my aversion to violence would affect his instinctive drive for speed, gore and violence, whether when its all said and done he will look at me and say “You did a good job, old man”, whether I was just feeding my “God” complex [a term coined by an cougar ex who thought I demanded too much from my women because I always demand they worship me], whether the fact that I couldn’t hold down a relationship was triggering a nascent memory and hence this overwhelming return to innocence.
But in the end, it was the thought that even if I am right, even if every woman I ever told I loved was jaded because the Spartakuss will do that to you, even if I was just hallucinating because of a temporary lapse in testosterone, I wanted another son. For vanity, for justice, for the chance to prove that I can get it right, to make the woman who would have chosen me as her mate happy, but most of all, because I am not so vain to think, that this awesomeness that i have belongs to me. After all, all the great and truly breathtaking things I know, I was taught by some “father”.
So here is the list of 50 Things I would teach my son in no particular order, starting with the first 25.
1. How to find and taste a good beer
Image via Wikipedia
2. How to be respectful to women.
3. The value in honesty and hard work
4. Why its important to be passionate about sport
5. Sampling for good and timeless music
6. Who was Martin Luther King and who was Barack Obama?
7. Driving in hell; Kampala, Uganda
8. How to ride a bicycle
9. How to change a flat tyre
10. How to fix a broken pipe
11. How to change a blown bulb
12. How to shake it after No. 1
13. Why birds are able to fly and men can’t.
14. Who was Lance Armstrong, Michael Schumacher and hopefully if he ever asks, Tiger Woods.
15. Why we pray even though we seem well off.
16. The value of an honest investment
17. The bond of a man’s word.
18. Why Michael Jackson as misunderstood by the world and still thought of as a legend.
19. Who exactly was Delilah and did Samson really just sleep on her lap?
20. The reason we vote even though it brings no change
21. Why women always chase after young men who seem focused on everything not them
22. That brilliance is not being the first in class but giving it your best.
23. That loyalty is more important than love or trust.
24. Why he lets mummy shout at him, sometimes.
25. Why it is not very wise to shoot the neighbours’ cat and dogs sometimes because karma is a bitch!